I've Got A Girl Crush
by bexlynne
Summary: A canon era Blush songfic with lots of pining. Multi-chapter.
1. Girl Crush

Blink stood at the window, stock still and silent, to avoid being seen and to avoid waking the other boys. It was late— about one in the morning, judging by the moon. Down on the street, two stories below, a boy and a girl were wrapped up in each other's arms, kissing goodbye like their was no tomorrow.

_I've got a girl crush. Hate to admit it but I've got a heart rush, ain't slowin' down._

She was beautiful. Even Blink could tell that, disinterested as he was. He'd never paid much attention to the opposite sex, apart than the odd one night stand to get the boys off his back when they joked that he wasn't getting any. But oh, he was paying attention to this one now.

_I got it real bad. Want everything she has. That smile and the midnight laugh she's giving you now._

The couple broke for air. Mush said something, tucking her hair behind her ear, and the girl laughed. The darker skinned boy lit up at that, and Blink felt a pang of jealousy. She must have had a beautiful laugh.

_I wanna taste her lips, because they taste like you. I wanna drown myself in a bottle of her perfume._

They were back at it again. Mush's arms were wrapped around her, holding her close. She stood on tiptoe to reach him, the moonlight shining in her hair.

_I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch. Because maybe then, you'd want me just as much._

_I've got a girl crush._

Blink turned away from the window, sliding into his bottom bunk with a flutter of the sheets. Moments later he was back at the window, swearing under his breath.

_I don't get no sleep, I don't get no peace, thinking about her under your bed sheets._

Mush turned to go, squeezing her hand, but the girl gave another one of her magic laughs and pulled him back, wrapping her arms around his neck and tangling her fingers in his soft brown curls.

_The way that she's whispering, the way that she's pulling you in. Lord knows I've tried, I can't get her off my mind._

Hadn't they kissed enough already? Blink had kissed girls lots of times, but it was never as captivating to him as it seemed to be to Mush. His best friend was clinging to her like a dying man, savoring every touch.

_I wanna taste her lips, because they taste like you. I wanna drown myself in a bottle of her perfume._

They finally broke apart again. Mush gathered her into his arms, resting his cheek against the top of her head and breathing deeply.

_I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch. Because maybe then, you'd want me just as much._

Mush was leaving, for real this time. He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand, waving farewell before opening the lodging house door. Blink dashed back to his bed, pulling the blanket up and feigning sleep as the other boy climbed the stairs.

His best friend hummed quietly to himself, undressing in the dark, pulling his nightshirt over his head. Blink felt the bunk above him creak as he settled in.

"Mush?" he asked, his voice tight.

There was a moment of silence before the other boy's dreamy reply. "Hm?"

"What's her name?"

He could hear the smile in his voice. "Cathy."

Blink tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. _Cathy_.

_I've got a girl crush._

* * *

**(A/N): Inspired by Harry Styles' cover of Little Big Town's song Girl Crush. I have a few more chapters (also song fics) already written, so ket me know if you'd like me to post them!**


	2. Take Me To Church

He never thought this would happen. But here he was with Mush, his best friend... Blink pulled back for breath, panting a little, his lips swollen from kissing. Mush smiled, his eyes big and soft and his expression giddy.

_My lover's got humor. He's the giggle at a funeral. _

The other boy pulled him back down to lay on the narrow bunk, facing each other, noses almost touching, their legs tangled up together.

_Knows everybody's disapproval. I should've worshiped him sooner._

"Just look at you, Blink," he said, a touch of awe in his voice.

_If the heavens ever did speak, he's the last true mouthpiece._

This day was one in a million. The boys were all at Medda's theatre, having a party of some kind. Blink hadn't sold enough to justify spending a whole penny on a ticket.

_Every Sunday's getting more bleak. A fresh poison each week._

Mush had gallantly offered to stay with him, claiming he didn't want him to be alone. Mush had been his best friend since they were kids, he should have been comfortable alone with him. The tension was unbelievable, and it could only be Blink's fault.

_"We were born sick." You heard them say it. My church offers no absolutes._

But Mush had been the one to pull him close, to press a chaste kiss to his lips. Maybe... Could he have felt it too?

_He tells me "Worship in the bedroom."_

The heavy, achy feeling in Blink's chest lifted for the first time since he could remember. This was wrong. It was so, so wrong, but it felt _so right_.

_The only Heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you._

It couldn't be wrong. Nothing involving Mush —his best friend, strong Mush, gentle Mush, beautiful Mush— could possibly be wrong. Traditions be damned.

_I was born sick, but I love it._

It took all his restraint to hold back, to keep from grabbing Mush and telling him everything, exactly what he needed, exactly what he felt. Mush felt the same way. There was no hurry.

_Command me to be well._

Blink felt a hand slip under the hem of his shirt, ghosting lightly over his stomach and up his chest, and he could have sworn he was floating.

_Amen._

_Amen._

_Amen._

Another hand moved to caress Blink's face, and he closed his eyes, biting hard on his lower lip. This was heaven.

_Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life._

He'd never felt this at ease. Mush _knew_ him, better than anyone else. He knew every scar, every flaw, every imperfection. For maybe the first time in his life, there was nothing to hide.

_I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death._

He reached up to slip off his eyepatch, tossing it carelessly onto the bed.

_Good God, let me give you my life._

Mush shifted, leaning forward over Blink, pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it onto the floor. Blink was all too happy to run his hands over his chest, covering every dip and scar and every _inch_ in kisses.

_Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life._

He was dimly aware that things would never be like they were. After a night like this, God, how could they?

_I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife._

Their friendship was gone forever. But this was so, so much better.

_Offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life._

Already, life seemed better. Waking up every morning would be almost worth it if Mush was the first thing he saw. And going to bed, knowing that he'd have to do it all over again tomorrow— if Mush was by his side, he almost didn't mind.

_If I'm a pagan of the good times, my lover's the sunlight._

This was the start of something new, something beautiful. It had only been in his grasp for a few moments, and Blink already knew he'd do anything to keep it.

_To keep the gods on my side, they demands a sacrifice. _

He'd stop selling papers right now. He'd get a factory job, go back to school, starve in the gutter. Anything, if it meant keeping Mush.

_Drain the whole sea, get something shiny, something meaty for the main course._

People would talk. That had been his daily nightmare for years, but now he didn't even care. So what if they got arrested? So what if everyone knew?

_That's a fine looking high horse. What you got in the stable?_

Now that he'd tasted heaven he could never go back. The ache in his chest was back, not so strong now. He had a hunger for _more_, more touch, more closeness, more Mush.

_We've a lot of starving faithful. That looks tasty. That looks plenty. This is hungry work._

He'd never given much thought to the future, to where he'd go when he left the lodging house. Two working men could pay for a room easily enough. Or maybe even a tenement, an apartment, a house in the country. Somewhere peaceful, quiet, away from prying eyes. Their own little corner of heaven.

_Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life._

Blink felt lightheaded from the wave of bliss washing over him, stronger than he'd ever felt. And another thing he'd never felt— a burning desire to return the favor, to make Mush feel just as good.

_I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife. Offer me my deathless death._

The sound Mush made had Blink weak, and he knew right then that give him anything he asked for.

_Good God, let me give you my life._

The sun had just gone down. The other boys wouldn't be back for hours. They had all the time in the world. And Blink planned on using it to the fullest.

_Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life._

Mush pressed a feather light kiss to the scar over his blind eye. Blink felt himself melt at the gentleness of his lips, the strength that he used to grab his hips and pull him closer.

_I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife._

Mush_ knew _him. He knew him better than anyone, and he loved him anyways.

_Offer me my deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life._

The giddy excitement came rushing into him, making him lightheaded and smiling wide enough to make Mush laugh. Finally, they had something that was _theirs_.

_No masters or kings when the ritual begins._

No more sharing Mush with the pretty girls who came knocking on the lodging house door looking for a date. Mush was solely and completely his.

_There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin._

His to love, his to cherish, his to protect and please and give him whatever he wanted, so long as he'd stay. And maybe— _maybe_— love Blink the same way.

_In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene, only then I am human. Only then I am clean._

He felt more complete than... than before he'd lost his eye. His scars didn't matter, him being _broken_ didn't matter. Mush was looking at him like he was a prince, and he felt perfect.

_Amen._

_Amen._

_Amen._

He never wanted tonight to end.

_Good God, let me give you my life._

* * *

**(A/N): Inspired by Take Me To Church by Hozier. (And the episode of Druck, where Matteo and David have their love scene with Take Me To Church playing in the background. It's been months since I first watched it and I haven't been able to get it out of my head. **

**Chapter two! I hope you like it! There will be four more chapters after this, and I have most of them written already. So hopefully there won't be _too_ long of a wait until the next update. Love you! Thank you yo everyone who followed and reviewed' and please let me know what you thought of this chapter! 3**


	3. Nobody Needs To Know

Mush rolled over in bed, a slight smile playing at his lips when he saw who was beside him. He leaned forward, pressing a feather-light kiss to the blonde boy's cheek.

_Hey, Kid. Good morning. You look like an angel._

Blink stirred but didn't wake, and Mush was all too happy to lay back down with him.

_I don't remember when we fell asleep._

He cast a lazy glance around the room, pleased to see that the sun hadn't risen yet.

_We should get up, Kid. Cathy is waiting…_

Horror started to set in. _What did we do?_

_Look at us, lying here. Dreaming, pretending. I made a promise and I took a vow..._

This... this couldn't be undone. He'd never be able to look Blink in the eye after this.

_I wrote a story and we changed the ending. Cathy, just look at me now._

He buried his face in the sheets in shame. _What did he do?_

_Hold on, facts are facts. Just relax, lay low._

He managed to even out his breathing, raising his head to look around the room. The other boys were all asleep. If he got dressed and into his own bed, they'd never have to know.

_Alright, the panic recedes. Nobody needs to know._

Mush took another deep breath to steady himself, reaching for his shirt and doing up the buttons with shaking hands.

_Put on my armor, I'm back to what I know. Back into battle 'til I don't know when._

Things would be fine. He'd buy his papes, meet Cathy for lunch. Everything would be normal.

_Swearing to her that I never was with you, and praying I'll hold you again._

What would she say if she knew?

_Hold on, clip these wings. Things get out of hand._

He buried his face in his hands, stifling a groan. Why couldn't he have just gone to the party?

_Alright, it's over, it's done. No one will understand. _

He couldn't change what he... what they'd done. He could just try to hide it. He was good at hiding things. One night wouldn't change things. He could still pretend things were okay, that they were normal.

_No one will understand…_

He was supposed to have a life. He was supposed to find a nice girl, get a decent-paying job and settle down. Have an apartment full of kids.

_We build a treehouse, I keep it from shaking. __Little more glue every time that it breaks._

As little as it appealed to him sometimes, that was what he was supposed to do. Whether or not he liked it, that was his lot in life.

_Perfectly balanced, and then I start making conscious, deliberate mistakes._

Why couldn't he have both? Why couldn't his nights belong to Blink and his days to Cathy?

_All that I ask for is one little corner. One private room at the back of my heart._

No. This was something too big to hide. No girl— ever— could look past that, whether she knew his lover was a man or not.

_Tell her I found one, she sends out battalions to claim it and blow it apart._

Blink opened his eyes, stretching out his long, lanky body under the sheets. Mush ran a hand through his tangled locks before he could stop himself.

_I grip and she grips, and faster we're sliding. Sliding and spilling, and what can I do?_

The one-eyed boy rewarded him with a tires smile, turning his head to press a kiss to his palm. That was all it took for Mush to melt.

_Come back to bed, Kid. Take me inside you. I promise I won't lie to you._

He pulled his best friend into a hug, a few silent tears escaping. "I'm breaking up with Cathy," he said hoarsely, his voice barely above a whisper.

_Hold on, don't cry yet. I won't let you go._

Blink pulled him into a tight hug, his arms locking around his neck and holding him in place. He felt the gentle kisses and he heard the whispered thanks and praises and sweet nothings in his ear, but it all felt so far away.

_Alright, the panic recedes. Alright, everyone bleeds. Alright, I get what I need.  
_

_And nobody needs to know. Nobody needs to know…_

He gathered Blink into his arms, burying his face into his shoulder to hide his tears.

_And since I have to be in love with someone— Since I need to be in love with someone— Maybe I could be in love with someone like you…_

* * *

**(A/N): The first chapter from Mush's point of view! This chapter was inspired by Nobody Needs to Know from The Last Five Years. I'm so sorry for the long wait, quarantine and online classes are rough.**

**Leave a review and a favorite or a follow if you like this story! There will be three more chapters after this, and i have them half-written already. 3 **


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